Half a tank to keep a memory alive

What's your money worth? A series from the front line of the cost of living crisis, where people who have been hit hard share their monthly expenses.

Name: Ayesha Firdaus*

Age: 45

Occupation: Teaching assistant at a secondary school

Lives with: Her two sons, Zak* (9) and Danyal* (7)

Lives in: A three-bedroom semi-detached house in a northwest London suburb. Ayesha bought the house with her late husband, James*, in 2013 for 525,000 British pounds ($666,566) with an outstanding mortgage at the time of 120,000 pounds ($152,358).

Monthly household income: 1,200 pounds ($1,523). This includes Ayesha’s salary of 800 pounds ($1,015), a government child benefit of 159.60 pounds ($202.63) (24 pounds a week for one child and 15.90 pounds a week for any more children, paid monthly), plus a monthly bereavement benefit of 240 pounds ($305). The median national income in the UK is 2,230 pounds ($2,831).

Total expenses for the month: 1,100 pounds ($1,397). Ayesha is frugal with her spending. “I don’t have a huge savings pot, the 100 pounds [$127] I get at the end of some months is put away for when I may need it. I need to make sure we live within our means, that’s a message I drill into my kids.”

*Names are pseudonyms to maintain the family’s privacy.

Standing at her kitchen sink, Ayesha Firdaus* looks out of the window at the colourful plants in her back garden.

“James had planted many of those,” she says of her late husband who died of lung cancer in March 2017.

“The house needed work when we bought it and we built it together. The kitchen cabinets, the flooring, the furnishings - we chose it all together,” she says with pride.

Roses that James planted run along a wall at the front of the 1930s-built house, but it’s a black Volvo xc60 that dominates the driveway. James had convinced a reluctant Ayesha to buy the two-litre diesel engine car in 2015.

At the time, the couple had one-year-old Zak, and were preparing for the birth of their second child, Danyal. With two toddlers, the family would need more boot space for a double buggy, and soon space for four bikes instead of three.

“I didn’t want this car, I said it was too big, it was diesel and even back then in 2015 there was talk of government measures to find ways to reduce air pollution - cracking down on diesel cars was being discussed."

“James told me not to worry, that he’d handle it,” Ayesha pauses to tuck strands of her black hair behind her ears, as she speaks animatedly, “but look, he’s not here to handle it now.”

A year after they bought the car, James developed a chesty cough that wouldn’t shift. He was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer in December 2016. He’d never smoked and had always taken care of himself, Ayesha says. Within weeks she would be making daily trips to the hospital where her children had been born to visit her husband.

After three months in hospital, James died. He was 49.

‘Losing a connection’

The Volvo in her driveway is one of Ayesha’s lasting physical memories of James. It was the car that carried Danyal back from the hospital after he was born and it was the car that followed the hearse the day James was buried just over a year later.

It’s also something she uses every day, driving the boys to primary school and then herself to her job as a teaching assistant at a local secondary school. The 20-minute drive “would take more than an hour if I were to use public transport”, she says.

But the car is a big expense - even more so as a result of the mayor of London’s ULEZ (Ultra Low Emission Zones) scheme. From 2019, under the scheme designed to discourage people from using their cars and therefore curb air pollution, a daily fee of 12.50 pounds ($15.87) must be paid by all diesel vehicles and also by petrol cars bought before 2005.

By August 29, the ULEZ area will cover the whole of Greater London, including the area where Ayesha lives.

Ayesha cannot afford to pay the additional charges and must reconsider all car journeys she makes. Once the zone expands, she may no longer be able to afford to keep her car.

"At the moment, half a tank costs me around 70 pounds [$89] to fill… it's gone down a bit now thankfully [from 80 pounds, or $101, last year]. I always fill up at half tank, as to me it's psychologically better than forking out 140 pounds [$178] in one go.”

The mayor has offered a scrappage scheme where qualifying car owners are paid an amount to either scrap their car or retrofit vehicles to meet emission standards, but Ayesha says her Volvo doesn’t qualify as “there is still value in the car”.

"The car has a lot of sentimental value,” she reflects. “Selling it means losing a connection with James. I cried when I was forced to buy a new TV during lockdown. It's just another thing that James had touched that was no longer there.

“It's forcing me to move forwards when I don't really want to. It's also reminding me of my very different financial situation as I can't afford another Volvo.”

Earning less

Before her children arrived, Ayesha had 20 years of experience working full-time as a teacher, earning 37,000 pounds ($46,977) a year.

Months into her marriage, when she found out she was pregnant with Zak, she took time off work to focus on her family. The plan was to enjoy motherhood and return to work when he was a bit older, but then Danyal came along soon after.

James was able to provide financially for the family, bringing in a salary of 3,000 pounds ($3,809) a month working as a telecommunications engineer.

After her husband passed, going back to work became a necessity, Ayesha says. She received some money from James’s company life insurance which she used to pay off the mortgage, which had been setting them back 1,400 pounds ($1,777) each month.

“That gives me peace of mind, and it’s one less thing to worry about. It has allowed me to just focus on raising these two little boys.”

But she still needed to earn a wage to pay for bills and daily expenses.

When Danyal started school aged four, Ayesha returned to work but chose to become a teaching assistant. The pay is significantly less than a teacher’s salary, but so is the workload, meaning she doesn’t have to fill her evenings and weekends with work; that time is reserved for her boys.

“I’ve lost my father and my husband, and I can tell you life isn’t about working all hours of the day, it’s about spending time with your loved ones.”

Even if she wanted to return to her full-time career, “I couldn’t,” she says, “I’d then have to fork out for childcare to cover my longer working hours - it just doesn’t add up.”

Ayesha now earns 800 pounds ($1,015) a month (when working full-time as a teacher she’d earn 2,300 pounds ($2,920) and the additional benefits she receives bump up her monthly income to 1,200 pounds ($1,523). “It’s just enough to cover all the basics,” she says.

“Before, 1,200 pounds would be great for a week away, now it just carries us through the month."

Before and after

“We’re no means on the breadline, thankfully, but I have to be careful with my choices,” Ayesha says.

But she finds summer break particularly hard as each outing costs money. She tries to keep the boys busy with activities at home as these "don't cost".

On weekends when James was alive, the family would pile up their car with beach bags and bikes, buy snacks and sandwiches, and head out on day trips, often to visit her in-laws, 135km (84 miles) away. “Back then, diesel prices were nothing like they are now. Also we could afford the journeys, we were better off financially.”

Now, Ayesha says she must carefully plan the year ahead. “We can and do still have road trips, but I need to estimate how much the fuel will cost, if we will stay at a hotel or with friends and family - it has to all be planned."

And instead of buying sandwiches, Ayesha says she makes them at home - for the price of one sandwich, she calculates she could make enough to last a week.

Over the month of July, as part of a collaborative project, Ayesha Firdaus tracked her household’s expenses with reporter Indlieb Farazi Saber.

Here are the costs that tested her finances the most.

The car

Ayesha uses her car daily, and on top of the ULEZ toll, she pays running costs, including insurance, road tax, MOT (annual car inspection) and service, plus the price of diesel. In total, it can cost her more than 2,000 pounds ($2,540) a year.

This month, she paid 70 pounds ($89) for fuel and an extra 200 pounds ($254) to the mechanic to fix a problem with the gearbox.

“The only reason I had the money to pay for this was because I luckily had a couple of hundred [pounds] left over from previous months - what is it they say, you should have six months' salary saved in an emergency fund or something? - I hope one day I get to the stage when I can do that,” Ayesha says.

Last year: 80 pounds ($101) per month**
This month: 270 pounds ($343)** 

Groceries

When her children were younger, Ayesha would order her groceries from an online supermarket. But with food prices rising, she can no longer afford to shop there and instead buys from the value ranges at conventional supermarkets. Still, it costs her about 70 pounds ($89) a week, which is roughly 10 pounds ($13) more than she used to pay, even though she says the quality isn't as good.

“I’ve stopped treats now, too; we would have madeleines and cheesecake, but they are just added expenses. I’m very candid with the boys and even though they may not like it, they understand. It’ll help them in the future.”

Ayesha also spends five pounds a day for the boys to eat at their school’s breakfast club. While it’s an added expense, she has no choice as she has to start work before she can give them breakfast at home.

Last year: 240 pounds ($305) per month**
This month: 305 pounds ($387)**

Birthday party

This year, Ayesha had a birthday party for Zak, inviting his friends from school - an expense she was able to avoid during the COVID lockdown.

“When they are younger you feel obligated to invite the whole class which then becomes incredibly expensive. As he’s older, we only invited a select few which kept costs down, and I got the cake from Tesco for nine pounds,” she says.

To afford the party, “I had to save up for a few months beforehand. I also told [Zak] that this was my gift to him – I prefer to give my children experiences instead of plastic toys that they will play with for a day and then forget about. Thankfully, he agreed.”

Ayesha took Zak and five of his friends to Laser Tag to celebrate. “Party bags are another expense but I kept costs down by looking out for offers on the little knick-knacks,” she says.

“Now, Danyal would also like a birthday party, it’s not for a few months, but I can’t afford to do this all again - so I’ve told him it’ll be the following year!”

Last year: Nothing
This month: 230 pounds ($292)**

Extracurricular activities

As the boys grow, they are finding hobbies and interests; wanting to join clubs and play instruments, Ayesha says, but she often has to tell them no because of the cost. “I’m glad they are adventurous and have opportunities that I didn’t have growing up, but it all comes at a price. You don’t just pay for a club; you have to pay for all the things that go with it such as kits and activities.”

Both boys have taken an interest in playing the piano, she says, but musical instruments are among the most expensive extracurricular activities.

To make it work, Ayesha sourced a piano for them to practise on at home. “Pianos can be very expensive … even electronic keyboards, so I spent a lot of time scouring the internet for cheap second-hand ones. Luckily for me, lots of kids start playing and give up quite easily, so a cheap one [150 pounds, or $190] wasn’t too hard to find. I can’t afford it though because of the added car expense this month - so I explained my situation and put a deposit down of 20 pounds [$25] and hope to buy it soon,” she says.

“Now that they have the musical bug, they want to try other instruments too which adds onto costs. I’ve gotten round this by opting for shared lessons at school which are considerably cheaper [12.50 pounds each for 30 mins], but the boys make slower progress.”

Last year: 100 pounds ($127) per month** (for football club for both boys)
This month: 120 pounds ($152)** (for a deposit on the piano plus lessons)

Electricity and gas

“Our gas and electricity prices have gone through the roof,” Ayesha says.

To lower costs, she makes sure all unnecessary lights are switched off and that the appliances are turned off at plug points. She also does not use a vacuum cleaner in all parts of the house and chooses to sweep instead.

“If the oven has to go on, lots of things go in at once to save energy. I would have not done this before, but now I will bake a cake whilst heating up macaroni and cheese,” she says.

During the winter months, she often sat in the cold and dark, refusing to switch the boiler on just for herself after the boys had gone to sleep. But she started experiencing excruciating pain in her toes because of the cold. “I started to layer up socks during the night to prevent them from getting so cold.”

Last year: 96 pounds ($122) per month**
This month: 114 pounds ($145)** (86 pounds for electricity and 28 pounds for gas)

**Last year’s costs were sourced from Ayesha.

Five quick questions for Ayesha:

1. What’s the hardest financial decision you had to make this month? Not buying Zak new school shoes. They are falling apart, but I know that a new pair will set me back 48 pounds ($61). I could buy cheaper ones, but I know they won’t be as durable. His shoes were bought last year just before the new school year and I loathe to replace them in the same size when I know I’ll have to buy new ones again before September. They only ever have two pairs of shoes, three if we are lucky to get hand-me-downs from cousins; the second pair usually from a supermarket. And like with clothes, I try to buy them a bit bigger so they last longer and get more wear.

2. Which is the most worthwhile expense from this month? Opening up Rooster accounts - a bank account connected to mine, that they manage themselves. For a small fee, they both now have access to a form of financial management. They have their own debit cards linked to the account and I put about one or two pounds a week into it. They can also deposit any birthday money there. They can then make choices. It's getting them to think and prioritise. I'm already picking up their relationship with money - Zak likes to spend what he has, but Danyal would rather sit tight and watch his savings grow.

3. When finances get tough, what advice do you have? Stay at home. The minute we step out of the house, we spend money on things like ice creams, football cards and drinks. It all adds up and what seems like an inexpensive bike ride has actually cost approximately 20 pounds ($25). I try to occupy them at home as much as possible or look for free things to do that we can walk to. The boys often help with gardening and they love to bake: We often have “tea parties” to create a sense of occasion. Movie nights are a big hit – instead of getting pizza, we make them at home and enjoy them in front of a movie. Water-gun fights are another popular win. Reading is popular, too - we’ve just been given this box of secondhand books by an older cousin.

4. What’s your biggest money worry? Taking care of the upkeep of my home. Last year’s storm caused one of my trees to fall. As this was an unforeseen emergency I had to borrow money from family to cover it. My washing machine broke down a few months ago and call-out charges can be extortionate (200 pounds, or $254). All the furniture in the house was my late husband’s. A lot of it is starting to show wear and tear and I just cannot afford to replace it at the moment.

5. What’s the saving hack you are proudest of? I now only ever buy own-brand and I make sure I scan the shelves properly to see where the best deals are, often looking at the lower shelves where cheaper alternatives can be found. Every week, I meal plan – our dinners and my school lunches. This cuts down on waste and helps us to keep healthy too by avoiding convenience or processed foods. I also cook larger meals at the start of the week to help myself out and these are often bulked out with frozen vegetables and pulses.

Read more stories from the series: What's your money worth?